Monday, June 20, 2011

My Bottom 10 most NONfavorite movies

There are good movies, bad movies, and movies I don't care about, but there a 4th catagory of movies "movies that make me angry".  With these movies it's personal.  These movies have made me feel abused, taken advantage of, attacked and wounded.  These movies are my nemesis.

#10  Hope Floats (1998)
My first official date with my wife was to watch this horrible movie.  As a gentleman I allowed my date to choose this movie.  Heather made the first of 13 years of horrendous movie choices.  Thank God the date was better than the movie.

#9   Lost in Translation (2003)
This steaming cow-turd of a movie would typically fall under the category of "movies I don't care about", but I had to hear from every critic, talk-show, and 24-7 of the "E" network telling me how amazing this movie was.  This movie was slow, boring, and really nothing happened.  I was happy to hear that Bill Murray won a few awards, but I would rather watch a re-run of "Groudhog's day".  

#8   Batman and Robin (1997)
This movie was clearly the worst Batman movie ever.  The main problem with this movie was that there were too many new characters: Dr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, Bane, Robin, Batgirl, etc.  Personally, My main issue with this movie was that I drove to the movie theater 6 hours before the show and waited in line for an hour to buy these stupid tickets.  This was hyped to be a great movie.  The nipples on Clooney's Batman costume also creeped me out a bit.

#7   The Bad News Bears (2005)
I loved the Walter Matthau classic back in 1976, so I was pumped that Billy Bob Thorton was going to reprise the role.  Josh Bell and I went to see the movie on opening night.  I remember talking with Josh for hours afterwards just trying to make sense of the movie.  Clearly things were cut out that were part of the story, and characters would change and become better people with no motivation for doing so.  Even writing this makes me angry.  I'm not gonna think about this movie anymore!  
#6   40 days (2002)
This movie is about a guy who vows to stay celibate during the 40 days of Lent.  Then he finds the girl of his dreams and is tortured by being unable to sleep with her.  OK, first off I have to admit I've never seen this movie.  I did not see it because I am not an idiot.  This movie infuriates me on 3 major levels.  #1 Giving up a sex for lent just so you can go back to doing tit after lent is first off dumb and second it has no connection to God, lent, or rational thought.  #2 It is so frustrating that we keep perpetuating the consept that primiscous sex is beautiful, romantic, and appriopriate (especially with someone you've only dated for a month).  #3 I hate the idea that all guys are lunitics who want sex 100% of the time when it obvious that it is more like 78%.   
#5   Mrs Doubtfire (1993)
OK this was a decent movie, but I was really disturbed by one aspect of this movie.  A man (Robin Williams) and a woman (Sally Fields) get a divorce, and Robin wants to see his kids.  He tells his ex that he want to watch the kid while she is at work.  Sally's character tells Robin's character that it would be bad for the kids to be with him, so instead she hires a nanny.  BUT HE WAS A GOOD DAD! She even admitted it.  WHAT A expletive deleted.  I have irrationally never forgiven Sally Fields for that, and to this day I refuse to watch a movie with her in it.
#4   Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Ocean's 11 is my favorite hiest movies.  Oceans 12 was not as good, but one thing struck me with rage.  The heist only worked because at one point Julia Roberts' charcter impersionated (that's right) Julia Roberts.  Are you kidding me?  I expect a bit like that in spy kids, but this is Oceans 12.
#3   The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
The first Matrix changed everything.  It changed movie special effects forever.  It changed how I look at the Christain's relationship with the world.  It changed everything for me.  Then the Matrix Reloaded came out.  The Matrix reloaded is to the Matrix, what bird poop is to a 1970 GTO.
#2   Pearl Harbor (2001)
This movie was a classic bait and switch.  Was it a movie about history? No!  Was is a war movie? No!  It was a crappy chick flick.  It was about love, crying, being sensitive, romance, hand holding, (oh yea) and a few planes attacked a military base at the end. 

#1   Twilight (2008)
Don't get me started here.  I can't get past the fact that the hero really wanted to bite the leading lady.  I can't get past the grey, depressing, misreable setting.  I can't get past the the whinny, depressed, weepy, leading man.                                       What I really can't get past is this.  I am 37 years old.  If I looked young would it be ok for me to date a 17 year old?  The answer is "heck no, that's sick".  Exactly!  Twilight is a story of a romance between a 200 year old pediphile and a teenage girl.  

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