It’s been 6 years since I’ve been to Athens, GA. I worked as the youth director at First Presbyterian Church for a year and a half, starting back in 2001. I routinely taught the youth what I felt to be foundations of the Christian faith ;Jesus is the one and only way to Heaven (John 14:6) ; and the Bible is true, inspired by God, and our standard for living(II Timothy 3:16). I found myself routinely in the senior Pastors office Monday morning to debate what I had taught the youth the night before. It was dark time for me, and I left battle-worn, hurt, wounded, and confused about ministry. The wounds I took with me made it very easy for me to not look back.
Yesterday I returned to Athens to attend a funeral. This was the first funeral I have attended that was for a youth. Evan Marshall was killed by a roadside bomb while serving in Iraq. Evan and I were very close and It was very emotional and difficult day. (I will take some time to write my thoughts about Evan in a later blog).
The idea of returning to Athens was dreadful for me. I had suppressed all of the pain caused to me while I was in Athens, but as time drew near for me to take the trip back to First Presbyterian church this pain began to seep out in the form of anxiety. As I entered the church I felt myself literally peeking around corners to guard myself from seeing certain people I was worried about seeing. After dropping our children off at the nursery, Heather and I found a seat in the sanctuary. It was a beautiful service, but very difficult for me.
After the service concluded the family invited everyone to head downstairs to have a reception where we could hug, cry, and drink some nasty punch. I immediately bumped into Lynn and Happy Dicks. They are a family that allowed me to stay in their home for a season (a six month season) while I looked for an apartment. Lynn also started a prayer group where parents would come and pray specifically over me and the youth program. Then I meet some kid with a beard. I had no idea who he was, but I knew I knew him. After I walked away it hit me, “That was Lawrence Jones”. Lawrence was youth who I always felt very close to. When I last saw him he was in 8th grade. Now he was at UGA and as I mentioned before had a great beard.
Heather and I met a slew of people, gathered a bunch of phone numbers, found out who is on facebook, and even made loose plans for some of the youth to come to Savannah to visit.
Yesterday was extremely therapeutic. I still have anger, but at for the first time I am being honest that it is anger. I will deal with the anger. I will not suppress it. I will forgive those who wounded me, even if they don’t realize they wounded me. I will begin a process I should have done a long time ago…building relationship with those from Athens who mean a lot to me.
Evan, I miss you. I sorry I did not pursue our relationship after I left Athens. I am sorry I did not get to know you as a man. Thank you. Through your death I am going to rebuild relationships I let fall apart.
I’ll see you Athenians soon.
Peace Out
Joey
No comments:
Post a Comment